Who am I?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Who am I?

 

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha

If we only knew! It’s like peeling an onion. We shed one layer and lo and behold isn’t there another that shows itself and sometimes it just stinks!

Another AHA moment – and this time about our birth names. For instance, as a child:

‘Patricia Ruth Barnes!!! or just ‘Patricia!!! Oh-oh!!! I’m in trouble! Fear sets in. I’ve done something wrong – again. I’m not good enough.’

Has this happened to you? Thinking about it do you wonder what kind of imprint it might have left on your psyche, on who you are?

I now understand why my husbands’ desire to call me ‘Patricia’ did not give me a warm fuzzy feeling whereas in my previous marriage I was called Pattie which I loved as it didn’t have a history, particularly a negative one!

We unconsciously connect our name to our identity, who we are. When it is used to inject fear what does that do to our self esteem, sense of self? As children we don’t have the capability or capacity to deferentiate what we own vs. what the parent owns so we invaribly take on a belief system that it’s all about us.

The truth is our parents likely learned this behaviour from their parents who learned it from…..so it’s in our DNA. So blame mode is useless – as it always is. We can only hope that the best of who we are was also reinforced. Meanwhile on our journey of life we find whatever works for us to help us to learn to be fully the love that we are.

It’s huge when we become self aware at the conscious level. We can logically think about what is true and what is not. The work then becomes how to make the shift at the limbic or unconscious level. In my case I have some meditations that are directed specifically to making these shifts at my limbic (or subconscious) level – and the work continues.

Who am I? I am worthwhile! I am powerful. I am love and I am loved. I am Patricia Ruth Barnes Milland.

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