Bottom line – life is tough. Scott Peck begins his book The Road Less Travelled with this thought. Buddha says it’s one of the Four Noble Truths. (Life is suffering.)
And?
I pride myself on taking responsibility for my behaviours including what I manifest in my life. Taking responsibility though, can be so challenging. Sometimes it just seems easier to go into blame mode. But I know that never works. It accomplishes nothing – except more pain.
There are times (thankfully less and less) that I go into a funk so deep it scares me. I watch myself. I know I am losing control. The pain and anger I am feeling is not really about someone or something else, but about me. I watch ‘her’ and tell her to stop but it is without conviction. The need to lash out is stronger. And the pain goes deeper. So deep I wonder if I’ll ever come out.
And then I pray. Please. Help me. Three words. And within minutes I fall to sleep, emotionally and spiritually exhausted.
Upon waking I know I have to work on this if I am to feel better about myself. Relax. Process. Meditate. Journal. Read uplifting teachings. All this with the intention of eradicating that part of myself – be rid of her once and for all.
It was not a surprise to find out that was the last thing I needed to do. I teach this stuff. Eradicate?! I needed to integrate what I know to be true at a much deeper level.
‘She’ needs love. She needs acceptance and approval. She needs to be embraced fully for who she is. And she needs it from me.
She is a part of me. If I am to truly love myself that means loving ALL of me, not just what I approve of, what I appreciate, not just the ‘good’ stuff.
I bring her into my arms and invite her into my heart. I embrace her, wholly. I tell her I love her unconditionally. I accept and approve of her. Her purpose was to teach me. I thank her.
I are calm. I breathe deeper, feeling connected to my higher power, knowing through my tears, that I have a voice and that it is safe to express that voice, openly, and with love.
I forgive. My self. Again.
and the Universe Unfolds~~~