I was informed yesterday that I have breast cancer again, same breast. Sigh…
So, Patricia being Patricia needs to find out what it’s about because I firmly believe there is a mind/body connection to all health and body issues. This about nourishment. This is about how I mother the world but not myself. I would have thought because I meditate daily (usually) and exercise that I was nourishing myself. I have to admit exercise is fairly recent outside of walking.
What I am not doing is being open to receive. That hit me like a two by four! Why would I receive when I have all the answers? – not! Why would I receive when it’s my role to nurture others, hopefully to make them feel better about themselves? Why would I not do the same for myself?
Receive. Do I deserve it?? My logic mind says, of course! My emotional self says, no way. Who and what I am is wrong. Those are the messages I heard my whole life, as a child, a daughter, a sibling, my first intimate relationships, a mother, even some friends. My grown-up self, my coaching/teacher self says the opposite but apparently I am not walking my talk. If it was then I would know in my BEing that who and what I am is right. Hell! I teach this! But…I still believe at some levels, particularly my child self that who and what I am is wrong because I have yet to heal her. It is important for me to start to listen to her. To listen to my inner dialogue…
One of the gifts of my aneurism of December 8th, 2018 is beginning to learn that I matter to others. Now it’s about learning that I matter to myself! My self matters!
So where do I go from here? First, I journal to get my thoughts out. Thus this post. Then I journal some more, privately. Cry. Open my heart. Feel.
A favourite book of mine is The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. I have read it hundreds of times and still learn something every day. Now to apply the lessons at a deeper level. One of teachings besides meditating daily is to be detached from the outcome of anything that I want. Set goals. Plan. Wish. Want. And then let go of my attachment to the outcome because Creator/the Universe may have many other ideas other than my own of how all it will be manifested.
So, now I will putting my focus on learning to receive. Figure out what that means. Deeply. Truly. Listen. Hear others. Hear Source. Listen to my intuition. Just listen, in silence. Hear my heart. And meditate some more. BElieve that who and what I am is right.