Giving up on hopes and dreams…

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Being wounded doesn’t make me weak; it just means I have an injury and self-value dictates I tend to it . Andrew G. Wall.

It never dawned on me to consider giving up on my hopes and dreams. To be honest, I never really made a point of consciously sitting down to create any.  What I did was survive.

So I stop and I think about it. I realize I have had many hopes and dreams. Almost all of them I have had no control over. Like hoping that my sons are happy and successful. (That’s their life journey.) Hoping someone will like me just because I like them. Hoping I will have a successful career doing what I love because I want lots of money and want to ‘seen’ and more importantly, heard. Hopes and beliefs that some people are who they are not, and why aren’t they behaving in ways that suit my needs!?!

I am editing and commenting on a new book, Wounded – Mining the Silver Lining, by Andrew G. Wall. And it’s hitting me right between my eyes!  This is what I am beginning to learn and process.  And finding very challenging…

As I look at some of those hopes and dreams that didn’t came true and can no longer be, Andrew says they need to be grieved. And he’s right. How can I move on without acknowledging the wounds? Without grieving the wounds? I can’t. I haven’t. So, I remain angry, resentful, depressed, frustrated and afraid. I become a victim. I hate being a victim!

The friends who I thought were close, but aren’t. The career that never was, and likely will never be. The parents who might have accepted and approved of me for who I was, and didn’t. The parent I wished, prayed and hoped that I would be – and wasn’t. The person I strive so hard to be, and am not.

It’s one thing to tell myself to let all that go. It’s another to grieve the wounds. We don’t give ourselves permission to grieve them. It doesn’t even dawn on us that we can, and must. It doesn’t dawn on us that we can create new hopes, new dreams. Instead we judge those we think have wounded us. We judge ourselves for not being better, perfect, wiser. We blame. Why is that?!

I realize now, at least at a conscious level, that any hopes and dreams I have for anyone else, aren’t mine to have. I may believe I am coming from love, but only they can dream their dreams. Perhaps what I am really looking for is validation through them. I realize I have no control over them. Nor am I accepting and loving them fully for who they are…which of course, means I have a lot of healing to do in accepting and loving myself exactly as I am!

How can I get to wisdom until I do?

So, I process. I cry. I accept. I cry some more. And one day, soon, I will create new hopes and dreams, for myself – with the wisdom and love for Self that I learn along the way. I hope…

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Is it easy to say No and feel certainty?

Certainty“It’s easy to say no when you feel certainty.  It’s easy to be confident when you feel certainty.”  Andrew G. Wall, The Science of No

“I act with complete certainty. But this certainty is my own.” ― Ludwig Wittgenstein, On Certainty

“You’ve got to be sure of yourself before you can ever win a prize.”
― Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

I seem to have a few people around me who are sameness…people who are adverse to change. Unfortunately, given their language, they come across as negative. They are unaware that it’s really about fear of change. Not to mention, culturally, we don’t like change much. Yet it happens and I venture to say, always for the better.

I was challenged recently, about having certainty in my values and comfort level in imposing them. This got me thinking about times when I have felt certain and comfortable in my skin. That’s the trick, of course. Being comfortable in one’s skin. Feeling certain. Being true to my values, and knowing what they are.

A number of years ago, I was asked to chair the Canada Post Head Office United Way campaign. At the time there were over 6500 employees. There was only one person I had to answer to; a senior vice president, who wasn’t big on doing things differently. I understood him. Why would we change how things were done if they worked in the past? ‘Worked’ meaning we raised lots of money.

The problem, from my perspective was, the highest participation rate in their history was 63%, bronze level. That year happened to be an Olympic year. After meeting with the Ottawa United Way campaign chair I was challenged to bring Canada Post Head Office to gold level. That would mean a 17% increase in participation. I accepted the challenge with some depredation but I was excited at the same time. It was my first large campaign and it was important to me on many levels for it to be a success. Many people would be affected by my choices.

The senior v.p. was not keen. 17%??!!!! And to make matters even more challenging for him, I was asking that everyone, regardless of status in the company, including him, say, (whether they believed it or not), that it was a given – Gold for Canada Post Head Office. He couldn’t and wouldn’t go for the positive thinking idea – and I accepted that – from him. After all, it wasn’t about him. It was benefiting those reached through United Way. Our project team leaders and their teams, on the other hand, were 100% on board. The message throughout the 3 month campaign, at every level, was Gold for CPCHO! And we did it! 80.1%! And we raised over $250,000 in the process, highest ever as well.

Had I been intimidated by his status as senior v.p.; had I been uncertain about my own values and goals, had I been afraid to say No to him, sure – we would have still raised lots of money.  The extra 17% participation; the incredible positive impact on morale; and the extra dollars raised, benefiting so many? Well – enough said…

So, my question to you is, what does it take for you to have that sense of certainty, to be true to your values, to impose them on others, to have influence? What would stop you? Why?

 

*photo courtesy of s pants on flicker

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The Sun Never Says

I posted this to Blogger  on Feb 8th/12 and thought it was on my site.  It appears I need to  blog more often to see I’ve done – or it wasn’t suppose to be here until now…

 

February 8, 2012

The Sun Never Says

Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center and partner of Deepak Chopra passed January 31 after a 20 month journey with brain cancer. David was a leader in mind/body health and I recall him saying that it was a cosmic joke that he should have a brain tumor. He dealt with it in a way only he could – with love, acceptance and an understanding of the paradox of life. I can only hope that one day I have so much wisdom and love…

I am having a very challenging time with David’s passing. I spend my life figuring out why or how life happens. It hits me at my core and all I believe about mind/body health – that there is always a correlation between the two. Perhaps not always apparently. Or there may have been something he hadn’t dealt with that stayed in his unawareness and he chose to go. There are those who will say – his time had come. Regardless – what I know for sure is that this in only the beginning of his wisdom becoming even more well-known world wide. And that’s a good thing.

I hope to find the wisdom through meditation, that his passing brings. Meanwhile instead of trying to analyse or rationalize this, I will, as my dear friend, Liz suggests, simply feel my feelings, accepting them for what they are without searching for answers. The following is a favorite poem of David’s by Hafiz:

Even after all this time 
The sun never says to the earth 
“You owe Me.”
Look what happens with a love like that, 
It lights the whole sky.

 

Much love.

Blessings,

Pat

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Only One Step Ahead…

Recently I experienced yet another self-development shift and deep self-awareness.  This time it was about facing my fear of not believing I was good enough professionally.  Through a lot of synchronicity (surprise!) I found Max Simon (http://bigvisionbusiness.com/) who told me that in order to build a business the first thing we need to understand is that we only need to be one step ahead.   What??!!  It’s that easy!  All these years I’ve allowed my fear to stop me from significantly building my business because I felt I had to be perfect, had to learn more, get more certifications and training.  Whoa!!!

Since then I decided to retire.  It would seem all that meant was making a mind shift from ‘have to’ to a position of choice.  What that means of course, is that since I released attachment to the outcome of being successful (whatever that meant!), the Universe began offering me wonderful opportunities that may not otherwise have presented themselves.  Now any work I do towards building on these opportunities is more like play.  The Universe really does Unfold, folks!

As a result of the new opportunities that have come my way (and continue to), I realized in spite of my coaching expertise, what I am really meant to do is to teach.  I knew that at my core yet for some reason I didn’t believe that anyone would want me to do workshops and presentations on areas that I am passionate about.  Lo and behold, they do.  And I am having a ball!  Now it all seems so obvious…  Gosh, what we do to ourselves when we remain attached to our outcomes!  (To learn more about that check out Deepak Chopra’s book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success – The Law of Detachment http://www.chopra.com/SSLOS)

So – how do you feel about your ability to create opportunities to do what you are passionate about?

And The Universe Unfolds…

Blessings and much love,

Pat

 

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When belief systems take a hit!

The Sun Never Says

Dr. David Simon, co-founder of the Chopra Center and partner of Deepak Chopra passed January 31 after a 20 month journey with brain cancer. David was a leader in mind/body health and I recall him saying that it was a cosmic joke that he should have a brain tumor. He dealt with it in a way only he could – with love, acceptance and an understanding of the paradox of life. I can only hope that one day I have so much wisdom and love…

I am having a very challenging time with David’s passing. I spend my life figuring out why or how life happens. It hits me at my core and all I believe about mind/body health – that there is always a correlation between the two. Perhaps not always apparently. Or there may have been something he hadn’t dealt with that stayed in his unawareness and he chose to go. There are those who will say – his time had come. Regardless – what I know for sure is that this in only the beginning of his wisdom becoming even more well-known world wide. And that’s a good thing.

I hope to find the wisdom through meditation, that his passing brings. Meanwhile instead of trying to analyse or rationalize this, I will, as my dear friend, Liz suggests, simply feel my feelings, accepting them for what they are without searching for answers. The following is a favorite poem of David’s by Hafiz:

Even
after
all this time
the sun never says to the earth
“You owe me”
Look
what happens
with a love like that ~
It lights the whole world.

Blessings,
Pat

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Grieving?! Really?!!

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.  ~Jan Glidewell

What am I really grieving?  Is it really because I want what I thought we had?  Was it really about the status of where we lived and our beautiful home?  Is it really about missing the woods where I so loved to walk?  Or is it deeper?  Is it really a lack of not ‘feeling enough’ within vs. measuring who I am by what I have and how I perceive others might see me?

What I am beginning to more fully understand  is that others who have what I wish I had also feel a sense of lack regardless of how well they are living.  There is something lacking is spite of what they (we) so abundantly have.  I suspect the truth is more about how we feel about ourselves.  Are we really lovable?  Are we good enough just as we are?  Are we accepted just we are?  Are we approved of?

I know when I am in a place of gratitude for the gifts that I take for granted, then money or status would become secondary or even more important, immaterial.  Chances are I will begin manifesting more to be grateful for when I truly can let go of wanting more externally, outside of myself.

Gratitude is something I intend to be more conscious of – not just in meditation, or journaling – but in every moment.  Like these!  I have my health.  I can type.  I can share and  communicate – hopefully inspire.  I can see.  I can read.  My hands and fingers move with ease.  I can cross my legs.  I am breathing with ease.  I can hear.  I can feel the air on my skin.  I can touch.  I can hug and receive hugs.  I have freedom.  I can smell.  I can appreciate a beautiful majestic starry night, the puffy clouds in a blue sky, the beauty of a flower.  I love.  I care.  I can smile.  I give and I receive.  My heart beats without any conscious choice and gives me life.  I am life!  I can make choices!

And what about the people in my life – my exceptional and loving partner, wonderful, caring friends, cherished family members including the gifts of my two sons, and all those that cross my path each day that my life would be less than, without…

This feels so good.  I have enough and then some.  I AM enough just as I am.  I am blessed.

And the Universe Unfolds~~~

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I Cry – a poem

“Everybody matters. Everyone just wants to be heard.” – Oprah

I cry

Who Am I?

I cry

Can I really be who I AM?

I cry

Help me

I cry

I am helped

I sigh

Ahh, there you are

I sigh

Take a deep breath

I hope

I can do this?

I ask

What is This?

I say

It’s me!

I ask

Let me give

I ask

Let me share

I ask

Please receive me

I say

OK if not

I know

I am loved

I know

I am love

I know

I AM

I can

Just do it

I can

Find my way

I can!

I cry.

 

Patricia R. Milland

Sept. 8/11 5:39 p.m.

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Receiving – are you good at it?

“God gives nothing to those who keep their arms crossed.”
– African Proverb

In July I attended Deepak Chopra‘s Seduction of Spirit Retreat in Whistler, B.C.  It was a completely wonderful and enlightening experience.  Each day included meditations, yoga, and workshops including The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.  I love this book and read it almost daily.

I am a giver.  My friends are givers.  Giving is good.  It’s something we’ve all been taught, women in particular.  As women we all too often give at the expense of ourselves rarely taking into account what might be to our highest good.  Unfortunately, we rarely learn to receive, at least not gracefully.

When you think about it, you really can’t have one without the other.  It isn’t a pleasant feeling to give knowing your gift or what you offer is rejected, diminished or unappreciated.  To avoid these bad feelings means learning to give without an agenda or outcome in mind, without attachment.  How it is received, or not, is immaterial.  Like the sunrise – it simply rises and shines expecting nothing in return.

But what about receiving?  How often are we offered something – a gift, a compliment, a hug, love – and the tapes in our minds question the reason for the giving, question the giver’s agenda assuming they have one?  How often do we reject it, or diminish it saying ‘you shouldn’t have’.  How often do we record in our minds we must return in kind instead of simply accepting and appreciating the gift?

Are you open and accepting of receiving – a gift, a hug, a smile, love?  Do you believe you are worth it?  Is that really what it comes down to – feeling worthy?  I think, yes.  When we feel worthy the tapes in our heads turn off.  When we feel worthy we can smile, feel the love, accept the gift with open arms.  We allow ourselves to allow the energy of goodness into our lives without question, without doubt, without stories.  It’s like seeing a beautiful sky at sunset or hearing the birds sing in the morning.  It can simply be.  In the receiving, we can be giving.

As Deepak says in the second spiritual law – Keep wealth circulating by giving AND receiving – care, affection, appreciation and love.

Namaste and blessings to you.

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Is it just dirt?

To the illumined man or woman, a clod of dirt, a stone, and gold are the same.Bhagavad Gita

I am reading, again, Deepak Chopra’s, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, this time with the intention of implementing the laws into my daily life on a more consistant basis.

The first law is The Law of Pure Potentiality in which he suggests we get in touch with nature every day to see how the law lives there.

Not wanting to go out into the dreary, damp, cool air I chose to look at my Jade plant.  As I looked at the leaves and thought about how they simply grow, reach up, the shape of the leaves, I was drawn to see the dirt in which the plant grows.  An AHA moment!

We take dirt for granted.  In our daily lives we see dirt as something that has to be cleaned, washed away, something to be avoided at all costs.  But looking at it from nature’s point of view – what is a plant (or a flower or a tree) without the dirt?

There is so much life in dirt.  There is death in dirt that transforms back into life.  It is really quite a miracle.  Some dirt has more nutrients than others.  What gives it it’s nutrients?  What drains it of it’s nutrients?  We all know the answers when we think about it.  And how do those answers apply to our lives and how we live them?

Dirt, low in nutrients, can be revitalized.  We know that.  The same applies to our lives.  It is up to those of us wanting a revitalized life to feed ourselves the nutrients we require to feel and live a richer life.

I like the idea of my life being a metaphor for dirt.  Not to be washed away, but, to be a source of life, of regrowth, of value, sharing my nutrients  in all my interactions with others and with the planet.  I teach or rather, share what I have learned with those who are interested.  My wisdom gained through life experiences have earned me my Ph’d in Life.  I’d like to feel that my dirt, as rich as dark soil, feeds whatever or whoever taps into my energy field.

To manifest this, I renew my commitment to becoming more fully the love that I AM, to share, to teach, to be a catalyst in life for life.  I continue to feed myself the nutrients I need to be the richest soil I can Be.

And the Universe Unfolds~~~

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Eradicate or Embrace?

Bottom line – life is tough.  Scott Peck begins his book The Road Less Travelled with this thought.  Buddha says it’s one of the Four Noble Truths. (Life is suffering.)

And?

I pride myself on taking responsibility for my behaviours including what I manifest in my life.  Taking responsibility though,  can be so challenging.  Sometimes it just seems easier to go into blame mode.  But I know that never works.  It accomplishes nothing – except more pain.

There are times (thankfully less and less) that I go into a funk so deep it scares me.  I watch myself.  I know I am losing control.  The pain and anger I am feeling is not really about someone or something else, but about me.  I watch ‘her’ and tell her to stop but it is without conviction.  The need to lash out is stronger.  And the pain goes deeper.  So deep I wonder if I’ll ever come out.

And then I pray.  Please.  Help me. Three words.  And within minutes I fall to sleep, emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

Upon waking I know I have to work on this if I am to feel better about myself.  Relax.  Process.  Meditate.  Journal.  Read uplifting teachings.  All this with the intention of eradicating that part of myself – be rid of her once and for all.

It was not a surprise to find out that was the last thing I needed to do.  I teach this stuff.  Eradicate?!  I needed to integrate what I know to be true at a much deeper level.

‘She’ needs love.  She needs acceptance and approval.  She needs to be embraced fully for who she is.  And she needs it from me.

She is a part of me.  If I am to truly love myself that means loving ALL of me, not just what I approve of, what I appreciate, not just the ‘good’ stuff.

I bring her into my arms and invite her into my heart.  I  embrace her, wholly.  I tell her I love her unconditionally.  I accept and approve of her. Her purpose was to teach me.  I thank her.

I are calm.  I breathe deeper, feeling connected to my higher power, knowing through my tears, that I have a voice and that it is safe to express that voice, openly, and with love.

I forgive.  My self.  Again.

and the Universe Unfolds~~~

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