Before I do my ‘take care of me’ things I must speak my mind. In meditation earlier, whilst I was trying to keep my focus this kept coming to mind – obviously telling me to speak up! And we all know how hard that is for me! Not!
Earlier today, I read and posted an excellent piece written by Jian Ghomeshi for the New York Times. It got me thinking about how many men have been called out for inappropriate and sometimes very offensive behaviours. For some of them, it was about damn time! Others? I wonder. Men like Al Franken whose career was shot down by unproven allegations (and probably planted by Republicans IMHO). Others who definitely behaved inappropriately and whose careers have been shattered and they and their families lives, as well as many people who worked for them, to be innocently and impactfully affected. Almost all of them accused – without proof – about things they did years ago. Might I say – young and foolish? Might I also say – back in the day, and even today, it was expected and accepted? By women who are afraid.
Should they be excused? No. Should they own up to it? Yes. With honesty, asking forgiveness for whomever they hurt and also, forgiving themselves.
So. What’s my beef?
So many of us got on the bandwagon about this, about sexual abuse. We did walks. We chanted. We sang. We wrote about the horror of it all. And yet…
How many of us named the men in our lives – boyfriends, husbands, current or past… or called out teachers, bosses, family members, you name it – men in our lives who do or have done the same, or worse – and we let them off the hook? Why?
In my humble opinion, this is why. We don’t want people to know it has hit us at home. That we were/are victims to it. We are afraid to take back our power, to own our power, to be the warrior and the strength that lies within us. There are a thousand reasons – all valid in the moment.
Do we need to call them out? No. What we need to do is to look within. Find out what it was/is about us that allows us to accept being treated with little or no respect. Where did we learn that it was OK. Because as much as we hate to admit it – we have allowed them to treat us the way they have/do. Damn! We do it to ourselves! We haven’t learned about choice and owning it. We haven’t learned that we train people how to treat us. We have so much pain within us that loving ourselves seems impossible. Accepting and approving of ourselves seems impossible. (See post on Calling Ourselves Wrong coming up next.)
So next time you want to bash someone for their behaviour you might ask – I wonder what the mirror is for me? What is it I need to learn? What is it I need to do (not them) to make my life better, happier? We are in choice. We are always in choice. Sometimes the choice can be very challenging – and still, we are in choice.
Choose you.
Choose owning your power.
Choose being in this moment.
Choose releasing the past. It has no value in this moment. It never will unless you are learning something from it. If you’re not learning something from it, ask yourself what stops you. What are you afraid of?
Hanging onto to anger and pain is literally poisoning – yourself! Get the help you need if doing it alone is too hard. It’s OK. Really it is.
Choose.