I’ve been working hard on figuring out what stops me from really moving forward with my business. I’ve done some work that I am quite proud of but I could surely ramp it up to be more successful.
So, I think about it… Wheels turning around and around – going nowhere.
I talk about it. Some movement but still no clear answers.
I journal on it. It brings me some insight.
I meditate on it. And…
In this particular meditation (Campfire by Patricia Wall) I asked for information about what stops me. What stops me from following through on more projects, more marketing, more reading, more whatever … It’s like a parts party – you talk to the part of you that may help, without judging that part; simply loving it.
What I found out were the lessons I learned as a child. When I look at the situations as an adult, my feelings, my perceptions are very different – but as a child we see the situations very differently and take things very personally.
The lesson I learned over and over was I was not worthy. I had no value. Favourite clothes given away because I didn’t wear them in 3 weeks. Not allowed to go to sleep-overs although my sister could. (I just recently realized the why.) Pretty good competitive gymnast – no one came to see me compete. Academic award disappears with no explanations. Pets disappeared with lies for an explanation. And so on. (I know – woe is me. But remember – this is a child’s perception. Imagine what we have done to our children unintentionally.)
What I learned was it wasn’t worthwhile to do what I loved. I learned not to depend on being able to keep what was important to me. I learned that even when I put the effort in, it would be taken away or ignored. I learned that no one much cared to celebrate me and that with low self esteem I didn’t have the capacity to. I learned I had no worth, no value as an individual. I became a target for sexual abuse… Another story…
What I learned was that who and what I was, was wrong. I was taught guilt and shame. What I learned was, I had no power.
So we grow up with these core beliefs and wonder why things aren’t happening. We go into blame mode hoping it’s the fault of anything outside of ourselves – and it never is.
This is why I do the work. This is why I have spent my whole life from age seven, working on finding myself, learning to love and appreciate myself…and still another leaf to turn over, another layer to peel. Almost always it comes down to Mother issues. (Upcoming workshop on Mothers coming soon!)
So this evening I change my core beliefs knowing that the brain believes what we tell it. I will have to say it often until it becomes the truth. The seed is securely planted.
I am worthy.
I have value.
I am worthy of success.
I have the gumption and love of self to follow through on building an even stronger career as an Energy Healer and Teacher of Spiritual Life Skills. Why? Because I can. Because I know what I know and I am excellent at it.
My energy has attracted a loving support system that has my back.
I feel like a kid again filled with the potential of so many possibilities. You’re never too old to go for what you have always wanted. Do the work. Find out what stops you. Dig deep. It’s worth it. You are worth it. It’s exciting. Honest.