There are points in our lives when we feel we are completely at the end of our ropes. God – what a horrible metaphor! And yet…
We feel we have no choice. No future. No clue. No hope. No love. We are so depressed and lost. We escape into avoidance.
And then…
Thirty years ago – at age 42, that was me. I had just come out from an abusive 6-year relationship. Financially, sexually, emotionally, psychologically overload of abuse. I had been suicidal a few months earlier.
I had 2 young sons, ages 3 and 8, a mortgage, a car loan I was coerced into co-signing for a car that I didn’t have and had to pay back, and I’d had been out of the workforce for 10 years.
And almost no money in the bank.
What the hell do I do???
Do I give into a depression? For a bit. But then reality kicks in. Who’s going to take care of things? Someone else? Not!
I’m a fighter. Always have been in spite of being told my whole life that I was too sensitive. I now know what being ‘too sensitive’ means. But that’s another story.
I decided – yes – decided — The hell with this!!! What are my choices?
I could move back to Montreal (from Ottawa) to my support system there. Nope. Not an option. Why – because I didn’t want to be leaning on anyone but myself now. I wanted to create a new support system – starting with myself. I wanted to move forward, not backward.
I could go on welfare and I did for 3 months.
So what next? I talked to anyone and everyone who would listen, who might have a suggestion, an idea that would help me take charge of my life, to move forward.
And I listened!
I found a job reentry government program for women that was awesome. I graduated at the top of the class and was asked to speak to the next years’ group to share my story and to suggest to them that anything was possible when we make the choice to move forward, to take charge of our lives.
And I found a wonderful life coach who helped me help myself to change my life.
In the end, it was up to me. It was up to me to ensure my kids had a roof over their heads. It was up to me to make sure they had food and a sense of safety. It was up to me to find myself and my inner God-given strength, to tap into it and hang on tight. It was up to me to take my power back!
Life still had its challenges – it always does. But with a determination, understanding and belief system that only I am responsible for my life, that it is up to me and only me, I learned to thrive. Oh, I still had many moments, even days and weeks, of despair and depression. But I eventually tap into my inner strength and knowing. I was also open to any help that would help me build on that. (That was really important! It’s as important to receive as it is to give.)
I prayed – a lot. I asked God for guidance and help every day. And to be honest, I didn’t know how to listen then. But that day in my kitchen when all seemed hopeless and depressing I decided to take charge of my life. It was God speaking to me – and I listened.
Today, I am happy. I am blessed. I am also blessed with those life challenges as difficult as they were because they helped me become who I am today. And I really like and love who I am today.
If you are going through a challenging time – be it grieving, depression, loneliness, fear – please listen to the little voice in your head that says – there is hope. Because there is. Choose. Choose to take charge of your life vs life taking charge of you. You can do it.
And please know – You are loved. You are love.